Resolved

I’m not usually very formal or vocal about New Years resolutions, although I am definitely the resolving type. I like goals and personal rules, and I like to live my life with some structure. It helps me feel purposeful and centered, which can sometimes be a real challenge for me. Last year, I resolved to eat less meat and more plants, and I did pretty well in that regard. I resolved to read more new fiction, and I did pretty well there, too. And less decisively, I set a personal goal to live more healthily, both emotionally and physically. I think I’ve made some big strides in that general direction: I’m back to a regular exercise routine (man, it’s amazing how much more focused and happy I feel when I move my body), and I started seeing a therapist this year, for reals. Despite the fact that I tend to find therapy awfully bourgeois and navel-gazey, it’s kind of amazing how much progress I’ve made in terms of becoming a better communicator, accepting my right to my own feelings and needs, and a bunch of other psychological clap trap that, for what it’s worth, genuinely has made me happier this year.

Despite these things, 2010 was a rough year. I lost both my Grandparents in April, within a week of each other, which was harder and sadder than I ever could have imagined. My partner and I went through some tough times (long distance sucks), and I had a few personal experiences that were, well, a bit traumatic. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few months taking a hard, hard look at some difficult personal things, and am still in the midst of hoping that I have the fortitude to make it all come out right in the end. But one thing I know, though, is that 2011 has to be a better year. I can feel it in my bones.

I’ve had a few resolution-type things swirling through my brain for the last week or so, and I thought it was high time I get them out of my head and into some concrete form. Most broadly, I want to continue progressing on last year’s goals: Keep working to stay healthy and happy and grounded. I want to be guided in most everything I do by the drive to take care of myself. But more specifically:

• I want to read more classics this year, and finally fill in some of the gaps in my UC Santa Cruz-provided Literature education.
• I want to write more this year. I think this is the year to focus on professional writing, and really push my comfort zone in this area. I want to complete my cookbook proposal by the end of the year, and to start writing more about issues I’m interested in in the library world. My professional blog has been sadly, sadly neglected.

There are a lot of much more personal, not-for-sharing goals I have (that’s what therapy is for, right?), but I feel like for the first time, I can look back and see real progress in the year behind me. Which makes it a lot easier to feel positive about the year ahead.